How to Get Present When the Toddler Is Mid-Tantrum
The first two posts in this series were about that angry little toddler in your head. The default mode network. The voice inside your head that is not really you.
That's the hard part to actually accept. Because at least for me, that internal dialogue always felt like who I was. It's the voice I hear when I read. The voice I hear when I think. I spent decades assuming that voice was me. It isn't. There's something underneath it: that breath, that moment of awareness that is more than just words and internal commentary.
The first two posts explored that. And if you've had any kind of trauma (most of us have, by the way: look up the ACEs test, Adverse Childhood Experiences, and see where you land), that early wiring runs deep and colors the dialogue you have with yourself for decades. One of the more sobering things I've come across is the idea that the way you talk to your kids becomes their internal dialogue later in life. Build them up. That's all I'll say about that.
Post one cove...
What Getting Present Actually Does to Your Body
So what the hell does it really mean for your health when the angry dictator of your thoughts (the guy with the German accent and the shitty little mustache, you know the one), that petulant little toddler of a hypercritical internal dialogue, rears his ugly little attitude?
One post wasn't enough. Learning why something works helps you figure out how to unplug it and unwind it.
In the last post we talked about the default mode network: the internal dialogue running old programming, generating anxiety about things that either haven't happened yet or already happened twenty years ago. In its misguided stupidity it's trying to keep you safe. Most of the time from imaginary nonsense, but I guess sometimes it's actually useful in modern society. Just not on social media. Just saying.
This one is about what happens in your body when you actually get out of it.
This isn't just psychology. Presence has a physiology. And if you're already dealing with adrenal exhaustion or a nervous system...
The Angry Little Dictator Running Your Life
We've all seen it. Or if you have kids, you've had the humbling experience of living it.
There's a kid at Target absolutely losing it. Full meltdown. They want a toy, a piece of candy, some form of dopamine hit, and when the parent says no, the little turd erupts into a torrent of crying, wailing like a banshee, kicking, screaming, and becoming a menace to everyone within a thirty-foot radius. And in a moment of pure exhausted embarrassment, the parent just gives in.
When my son was about two or three, he had one of those overtired, over-sugared meltdowns in the checkout line at Target. Full-blown fit about a Lego or something. We leaned in and whispered, "If you don't stop, I'm going to spank your butt." The wail immediately transformed into a tearful "don't spank my butt." Over and over. DON'T SPANK MY BUTT. My wife was mortified. It was the most awkward checkout I have ever been through in my life.
The best part came about a week later. There was another kid having a similar melt...
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