The Petulant Little Toddler Running Your Life

We've all seen it. Or if you have kids, you've had the humbling experience of living it.

There's a kid at Target absolutely losing it. Full meltdown. They want a toy, a piece of candy, some form of dopamine hit, and when the parent says no, the little turd erupts into a torrent of crying, wailing like a banshee, kicking, screaming, and becoming a menace to everyone within a thirty-foot radius. And in a moment of pure exhausted embarrassment, the parent just gives in.

When my son was about two or three, he had one of those overtired, over-sugared meltdowns in the checkout line at Target. Full-blown fit about a Lego or something. We leaned in and whispered, "If you don't stop, I'm going to spank your butt." The wail immediately transformed into a tearful "don't spank my butt." Over and over. DON'T SPANK MY BUTT. My wife was mortified. It was the most awkward checkout I have ever been through in my life.

The best part came about a week later. There was another kid having a similar melt...

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